Lettre à un amour déjà perdu [jul. 2016]

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Thenarius
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Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 6:38 pm
Location: E'er entwined in shimm'ring wings.

Lettre à un amour déjà perdu [jul. 2016]

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When I look at you I see a lightning rod, standing in the decayed ground which has had all life burnt from it by the striking bolts.

The burn-scars over your chest tell me this. There's a sensitivity in your core, like a music box, that never gets to reach up to the surface because of the scar tissue. I look at it and it makes me think of your ears. What do you hear? Can you hear your own music? Or only your own pain?

Do you feel pain anymore? Or do you feel only peace, having had all stress burnt out of you? I call you my peace-bringer, Pacifer, but do you bring me your peace out of authenticity? Or do you lie to me? Do you even know the difference?

You seem too weak to hold things up, because the scars around your heart make it so hard to keep your arms lifted. Have you had a world depend on you? Have you let it down?

What dreams are hidden behind these scars? You taste like orange juice, like sunrise. I let my winds blow over the scorched earth that is your chest; a fresh feeling of life, of mint, is added to it. I'm not sure those tastes ever went well together. Perhaps you can find a way to mix them.

But more than all else, do I really see YOU when I look at you? Or do I see a memory of my ex, haunting me through you? Do I merely know how a man CAN be destroyed like you seem to be, like he was? I remember that night coming back from the restaurant. I had so much agency then, more than I ever knew I could have. Yet still I depended on him, I revolved around him. Would it be any different with you?

A new feeling enters my mind, less a memory and more a fantasy. The castle-walls of Vere, Laurent atop the parapets. The sun has risen, and cooly he rules. I could be like that. What would you be, in return? Were we to join our kingdoms, what do you bring to the table? What do you provide for the conversation? I ask your spirit and I get silence. Do I fulfill already any role that you would? Do you want Laurent or Damianos; do you seek fairy or Pharaoh? Do you seek anything at all? How can I echo and amplify the heart of someone who does not feel?

Still... the scent is good. The freshness of a cold morning, the sweetness of the rising sun. Together we make a good dawn. Is that enough? Is that stable? And do you even want any part of it? You do not want me. I know this. I do not accept it, but I acknowledge it. Still it sends me into a flurry. I feel the ice in me rising up, creeping frost. I remember --

I remember my beloved Scholar with me at school. Are you plotting to distract me from her? What have I lost? What could I gain? And where do I stand?

You're not the only music-box I've ever heard. Do I actually see you?

Should I even try to pursue anyone at all?

I hear my Symbol say I have all I have ever needed. I have enough, inside me. Does that mean this is unhealthy? Or is THAT unhealthy?
Wedjat Iaret, Ra no Omezu
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Thenarius
Posts: 84
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 6:38 pm
Location: E'er entwined in shimm'ring wings.

Re: Lettre à un amour déjà perdu [jul. 2016]

Post by Thenarius »

The answer of God, to those last two questions, comes in clear force:

Ubi caritas et amor -- Deus ibi est
Wedjat Iaret, Ra no Omezu
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